Sejatinya aku memilih dalam kesepian, karena jika bertemu dengan pertemuan, pasti juga akan bertemu dengan perpisahan.
Mencari seperti apa yang kita inginkan itu tidaklah mudah. Kita hanya bisa menunggu dan bersabar dengan semua apa yang kita harapkan. Aku mengerti kita tidak bisa memaksa seseorang untuk menjadi apa yang kita inginkan. Kita itu bagaikan layangan terbang yang di kendalikan. Tanpa kita ketahui yang menjadi pengendali kita adalah angin yang tidak kita ketahui keberadaanya.
"Kamu sendirian?" Sosok tinggi muncul dihadapanku. Menghambat pandangan ku yang sebelumnya luas kini hanya penuh dengan tubuhnya.
"Ya? Ada yang bisa saya bantu kak?" Ia tersenyum menatapku dengan menaikan sedikit kacamata (kutubuku).
"Gak buru-burukan?" Aku tersenyum dan menggelengkan kepala menjawab pertanyaannya.
"Aku cuma butuh lima menitnya waktu kamu." Aku menatapnya dengan tanya?
Ia membawaku kedalam sebuah lokal. Suasana di sana cukup menegangkan mereka menatap kedatangan ku dengan tatapan berharap.
"Ada apa ini?" Tanya ku pada salah satu di antara mereka.
"Kami tidak sengaja menghilangkan datanya." Ujar salah satu di antara mereka menatap ku cemas.
"Siang semua." Sorakan perempuan itu memecahkan suasana tegang. Seluruh mata menatapnya terkejut. Suasana menjadi canggung atas kehadiran sang perempuan. Bergantian, semua mata kembali tertuju pada ku. Aku mengerti maksud mereka tapi aku masih ragu untuk mengikuti keinginan mereka saat ini.
Hingga aku memutuskan untuk mengikuti apa yang mereka minta.
*****
I can only stare from a distance. Looking at those who laugh together, i just sit in solitude and argue with my negative thinking side, my heart and mind are now opposed out of sync. The right side of me says not to take a unilateral decision while my left side asks me to be honest and leave those who have made the pain in my heart.
"Kila." Calling simple woman side right to me.
"Are you not go home?" She asked, I could only shake my head unconsciously.
"Why?, it's time to go home or are you waiting for someone?" Ask again.
"Yeah, I'll still be here." I said. The quiet atmosphere of late - like a friend to me. I prefer to make my own world. Ever since they just looked at me when they needed my presence. After what I did for them, they just kept looking at me like a dumped milk box.
I am not a box, nor am a stale milk that is not spent. I just want to be me. They can not think of me as a milk box they bought and then just throw it away, or they throw it away after they get bored with the taste they choose. Those who ignore me, those who only look at each other. Never accept the presence of anyone other than them. I remember they once said 'nobody makes each group all equally open.' But what they say does not match what they do. Someone once said said easier than to act.
"Go home together yuk" invite the woman. I just realized I was too busy with my world without looking around me.
"Are we in the same direction?" The woman nods her head in spirit.
"Come on." He smiled sincerely and stood up from his seat. Reflex I smile and follow his steps.
Now I want to be like a milk box, behind all my pain and loneliness. Apparently there is still a figure who will recycle myself. If being told alone is a sad thing it is not. Loneliness is where we have to realize who we are and who our environment is.
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